To smallish boy :
Why did you feel the need to give Mr M a bear hug in English and stroke is head?
Smallish boy replies:
He looked like he needed a hug and some love
On top of working fulltime and more , being partner , daughter , professional woman and more I am now parent governor. This is in some hope that the school will place some value on me as parent and hope that I can get smallish boy through the next year and half of school and beyond.
Smallish boy receives value in being warm, funny and being quirky and off the wall. I suspect his value was in the attention he received from the class audience rather than Mr M’s response to his kind offer of a hug!
Seeking value is what I have being thinking about. Recently undertaking a coaching and mentoring course my tutor proposed that I was seeking value and affirmation for quality and quantity of my work in all the wrong places. She challenged me to thinking that rather than repeating same patterns of activity to continue to be let down by lack of value I would be best off seeking value in a different activity such as coaching or mentoring where positive results would be visible and experienced. I am working on this but it has made me less inclined to keep seeking value where it cannot be found.
This has really made me think. Let me be clear I do not want validation. I would consider myself as not overly needy and quite confident in myself and own abilities. However finding value in activities and relationships I invest in is important. I feel valued and loved as a mother, partner and daughter. Although the caring nature of me at the moment is stretched in every direction at the moment caring for elderly Mum as well as boys , step daughter and my lovely man. Seeing our young people including smallish and large boy grow into lovely young people places value on my investment. Caring for my elderly Mum on top of the day jobs is proving tricky. But my Mum has made me feel valued as a human being all of my life. Returning care to her when needed has huge value in seeing her safe and secure.
My relationship with my lovely man is full of kindness and activity that invests in home and family life. He is not a man of words but his actions place value on our relationship beyond words. This weekend he has cleared the last of his “man cave” garage ready for the builders to convert into a home for my Mum. I am crying writing this as this has more value than any flash “ I love yous” or big diamond rings.
So in terms of my creative world is the struggle I am having with dance that I am seeking value in all the wrong places?
As a painter , fine artist I found, and still do sometimes , value in the creative activity of making stuff. I am enjoying making this blog. There has for me always been value in attempting to creatively express feelings and ideas. I am currently also keeping a journal and encouraging the creative me to find value in the activity of just doing doodles scribbles writing words thoughts and stuff.
Dance has taken me on an amazing journey throughout the whole of my life it has added and given value to making me into the whole person I have become.
The value I have from dance is being able to connect physically with my body and to express myself creatively throughout dance. I also think that with belly dance in particular it has given me an outlet to share my emotional experience with an audience and to be able to create “dance pictures” with choreographies and solo improvised performance.
As a dance teacher and organiser of events I gained value in making dance classes and events happen to share the joy passion and knowledge and skills of dance. I think receiving value as a leader who could see the value of sharing skills knowledge and ideas with others to improve others experience of dancing is something I am grieving the loss of.
So in writing this I have realised that I the value I am placing on my dance at the moment is like one of my big doodles I create in my journal and notebooks!
I think my dancing is colouring in with nice colours which has value in being fun and very relaxing. But as I want to seek value on “being creative” I am getting frustrated as I want to use the knowledge and experience I have to colour over the lines a little bit or offer a different colour.
So I have been looking and not finding any big dance canvases in easy reach or on offer for me to put my dance colours. There really is little point in seeking activity to give me value when it is not on offer is there? So If happy dance colouring in is my current dance offer then I must remind me of the value in dance colouring in as a joyful activity in itself. I may have to work at this like practising meditation perhaps it will reap benefits the more I do and the more I adjust to juts finding joyful value in the moment of dance .
As I find value in increasing my knowledge and connection of my mental ability to affect my physical dancing I am going to drum more and focus on learning more about rhythms patterns and develop my drumming skills.
For my dance doodling I shall seek value in dancing with my lovely man drumming, and some other shenanigans with like-minded friends. I also must give thought to creative value in other projects. Journalling is one activity I can explore and build creative value into.
So it is seeking value in activity and relationships that gives me positivity and creates feel good me.
I have been out of sorts as I really have been in many aspects of my life seeking value in the wrong places. Writing this makes me realise that my life although challenging is full of value when I look in the right places.
Smallish boy this weekend has confidently dismantled a computer. He now has beautiful shiny mother board and other bits on his floor. What value he seeks in this is what? Curiosity? Beauty in what he has found? Finding out stuff he needs to know?
Smallish boy at dinner table :
Mum can I have a stuffed duck for my birthday?
Lovely man where did we see stuffed animals recently?
Lovely man replies:
I really do not want to discuss this right now
Snorts with laughter
Grandma keeps quiet!
There is so much value in loving family life I do not need to be seeking elsewhere