It was the last of the big boys A level exams today. So after years of equations, graphs and sums at my kitchen table it is all done. My big boy has finished “school” as such. Fish and chips and cider for tea to celebrate. We are sitting in a living room with an empty book shelf, bags of old clothes behind the door, remnants of jolly dance weekend; scarf and dance shoes, and a very large canvas.
Very large canvas is propped against fire place. It is small boys latest creative project and is a part painted huge acrylic painting. The paints sit in the fire surround and there are brushes on the coffee table. This house is full of his little drawings, sketchbooks, bits of paper and funny strange little projects.
So here we are about to move. I have loved this house my home. When my boys were small I battled hard to keep this roof over their heads and it holds so many memories. On my kitchen wall is the mister man inspired “red ball with long arms” picture of God sat in the clouds that small boy draw when smaller, large boy’s picture of mummy the belly dancer and many weird and wonderful creatures.
Sitting in the conservatory with my mad pink curtains I am looking out in the evening sunshine at my apple tree planted when we first moved in. My abandoned summer house is ta the end of the garden. I haven’t cleaned out this year as I am moving and see no point. The new neighbours are attacking their house with gusto, fixing fencing decorating and getting stuck in! For me I am letting go.
A houseful of memories. The home where my boys and I have been for the last decade.
We are on the move and I am so excited but today am pondering the enormity of letting go of the old to make room for the new. I like change but my home is my nest my safe place. I am so happy to finally be able to walk towards and into the arms of my lovely man but I must not move towards him carrying all the junk of my past. However it is so important that I take the objects of my precious memories and the stuff of love and family.
Last week we talked of sofas and who had best one. Then there is the dining room table, the chairs, and my nice saucepans and so it could go on. I have moved my books, the pages full of memories and pleasure. I have moved some of my paintings, my music. Next it needs to be more boxes of stuff that have meaning, and of course the practical stuff! I have to wonder do I really need that plate. That spoon? If it is not there will I miss it?
In the midst of all these boxes waiting to be filled I had a weekend of dance time. The sun shone and I laughed and danced with friends. Dancing for inspiration and personal development on Saturday at Pauline Qu’s BTS intensive. A lovely day of “not doing it wrong” but sharing experiences knowledge and skill and taking big deep breathes and dancing with integrity. Breathing, smiling, enjoying music and just dancing, fun and joy.
The added bonus was that one of my favourite dance friends came and stayed too. Rita and I have so much in common in life and just laugh together. So nice to talk boys, family, dance, Enta Omri, teen boys know it all attitude, why I like the intro to this Egyptian classic, what to do in school holidays, explaining a new dance class idea and cooking chicken nuggets whilst drinking wine and dancing.
Then on Sunday I had the pleasure to dance with my dance class and drummers and dance friends. The sun shone, we dressed up and we danced to the beat of the drummers. Just pure joy, the reason why I dance.
So back to my latest project; so it is time to bin out and pack. I have been laughing tonight that here I am alone this weekend binning out and packing alone. Most momentous tasks in my life are done alone. The lovely man must indeed do his binning out alone in order to create space in his arms to welcome us all in. In front of me is a shelf of objects; a mask, Moroccan lamp, candle holders, photographs, a picture painted by a friend, an old teapot, an oil burner and pottery I made when sixteen. I should not take it all or I could take it all? My lovely man last night said the choice was mine. He has a shelf of his own. His holds pictures, pottery, ornaments too, oh and being my lovely man screws and fiddly bits to fix things with! So this weekend we need to be alone. Time to pack up precious memories and let go and throw others away. This way we have room for each other, each other’s families and to create a new home full of love, memories and joy. But I will say this I do believe “Mister Man God” and “mummy belly dancer” need to be framed and giving pride of place. So off I go now to find more empty boxes….