I love furry cats on Facebook but not cats that scratch!
I think I am a grown up with grown up thoughts and views. I attempt regularly to take deep breath in my life and reflect on what is going on externally in my life but also the internal too. I consider myself to have a strong sense of self and with the odd wobble generally feel I am in the right direction I want my life to go in. I am turning fifty this year and it is interesting to see how dotting the end of a decade is doing to many of my friends and me. We have reflected over the last ten years and now we feel that it is time to make the most of the next fifty. If you read my last blog about small boy you will understand that the last decade has had challenges for me. However there have been wonderful opportunities too and some best of times.
What seems to happen now is that I am less tolerant and less willing to accept behaviour which has a negative impact on either me or my family. I love social networking sites and the internet. There I have said it. Sometimes if you read books and possibly have an intellectual side admitting that you go on Facebook is like admitting you eat pot noodles! When my kids were small the internet was my gateway to adult world and I loved chatting on the net. I like chatting and connecting up with wonderful friends across the UK and Facebook is great for this.
Recently I asked for some advice on social networking site; good old Facebook. Having a diverse bunch of friends on there I like asking and seeking views or help on Facebook as I have a diverse group friends and often get some great objective opinions some of which I would never have thought of. Recently I was sitting in a very negative place feeling pretty helpless to make change regarding feeling angry and distressed at another person’s behaviour. I wanted permission I think to behave badly and was getting weary of always having to take deep breath and turn the other cheek.
It was interesting as what I was asking for was some strategies for managing anger which may have been how to express it or indeed dissipate the anger. The responses I got made me feel supported but was interesting. If I requested advice about shimmying I would from my lovely group of dance friends get much advice about creating the bestest tip top shimmy. When I sought advice about feeling an overarching need to revert to being a child and express anger I got something different. Instead of “how to do” I got “what to do”.
Interesting huh? So let’s unpick this. Back to shimmy. Advice with shimmy would not be “just shimmy” or shimmy at 9.00am tomorrow as what to do but it would be “soften your knees, engage your gluts” suggestions for how to shimmy. With expressing anger, feeling negative thoughts and indeed seeking permission for bad behaviour most advice was to just stop doing it and folk telling the “what to do” with regard to turning the other cheek, deep breath and waiting for karma. In the end I did what some of you suggested I phoned a non-judgemental friend and had a rant! Once I was able to release my anger and frustration I was then able to let go and wait for karma to take its course.
So here I am some weeks later wondering why on that particular evening in time I felt so mad?! It is in itself reasonably simple; a sense of injustice, being picked on and folk not seeing the truth. So after the event am I okay with having had a little rant in the public domain of Facebook? Well I did not go back and delete the posts but to be honest there is certain amount of shame attached to my outburst. But heh I will get over it!
There is a temptation in the world and undoubtedly on Facebook to be the perfect person. This undoubtedly has benefits as sometimes one can read a sea of positivity with inspirational quotes from peace loving sane rational perfect beings. I like this as I do believe we should all aspire to be better beings. Anger is not something I express very often. To be honest I struggle with conflict of any kind and run a mile from anger whether it be my own or others. I am fiery and emotional but do not generally want to be around angry folk. What I love about Facebook is the ability to reach out and pull some lovely warm human beings into my cosy home world. I stay connected to close and good friends all over the world and enjoy that human connection. What I experienced recently was the downside of all of this. This was folk who are not so nice towards me for whatever reason sneaking into my home and head with their comments and remarks. It shocked me to my very core how easy it is with small gestures comments and postings to sit intimately where you are not invited in someone’s head.
I am not writing this blog out of anger or revenge. A wise close friend said of this behaviour there is no point explaining to others they will see it, feel it, understand or offer support. True words indeed. However I just wanted all you good folk to understand that there is not very nice stuff even our grown up world that goes on in Facebook and in real life. I am a strong woman with lots of friends but this insidious passive aggressive bullying really got under my skin. Fortunately I did have wise friends to discuss it with who gave me fantastic advice and support.
It has really made me think about how, what, why and where and when we post on Facebook. This last week I reviewed my friends list. I have lots of friends in real life so my large Facebook friends list reflects this! I did however make a lot of deletions and strongly edit who sees what on my wall now. I feel much more protected now and to be honest safer. To be honest as so many of you did not see it I felt I was going slightly mad but in last few days I have chatted to someone else who had experienced the same sort of stuff and I realised I am not alone in this experience. It did make me realise how vulnerable we can all be to online bullying and low level not very nice stuff and I just want folk to be aware of this.
So please I want to see more fabulous folk dancing and drumming and reaching out to all you wonderful people! Oh and I don’t mind the odd furry pussy cat pic too!