Always loved

A beautiful day follows the storm

That is how I imagine you

Calmly walking out of the storm

Towards God’s gentle arms

With surety and grace

Seeking answers to the great mystery

For you always had hope

That the next journey

Would be filled with love and grace

You always knew

My funny quirky boy

This rainbow child

The indigo boy

You knew

We wait with hope and mystery

You have the answers

Unknowing yet all knowing

You are always loved beyond

Mystery and hope

Keep walking with this broken heart

Keep walking with this broken heart

Grief offers joy and beauty

Hope and despair

Deep within the darkness

There is light

Exhausted unable to walk forwards

There is grace in being still

The spiral circles full

Now it is a waiting game

Of beginning a journey

To mark a significant moment of loss

No going backwards

As now all knowing

Of the beauty in this ugliness

Feeling so completely alone

Yet deep down knowing

On this walk towards mystery

Always held in grace

Looking at the right moment

At the right time

There is a flicker of light

Keep walking with this broken heart

Moving towards…

Same view

Another day

Getting ready to turn

Moving towards

Memories that have been packed away

Badly

Time to re-look and remember

Resistance hurts

It always hurts

As this heart is broken

Never to be fixed

In this spiral

Retracing last worldly steps

Knowing I am alone

But always accompanied

Shielded and guided

With light, love and compassion

The surety of now

Is that Hope and mystery

Will be there

Placing all sorrow

Lost dreams to mystery

Grief and this broken heart

Given with grace

Hope that no matter how dark

This journey will become

There is light

Navigation

This big hill to navigate

With memories to trip over

So tired already

Yet I have only just begun

Rivers of tears

Still catch me out

No words

To cover the gaps

I am trying to leap

Over thoughts and feelings

To get to the top

Yet I cannot

I stand here

Still heartbroken

Clutching all this grief

Heavy laden

Eyes blurred with tears

I cannot see the path

I stop

I wait

For light, love and direction

Hoping for hope

Another empty page

A day of dullness

Numbness

Sense of coping

Yet knowing deep down

The physical pain

That consumes

Are the pieces of my broken heart

That pierce me

Walking with heavy footsteps

Deeper into the spiral

Of mother grief

Mother love is all consuming

Heavier and heavier

Sadness and sorrow

Waiting to regroup

Re-join with grief

For distress and tears

Are near

It feels cold

Seeking any warmth

From light

Clouded over flatly

Seeking searching looking

All take energy and time

Retracing of steps

Walking into new valleys

Without light or compass

All that can be carried

To lighten the load

Is hoping for hope

Releasing burdens and tears

To the great mystery

Letting go is harder

Than holding

Releasing, turning face back

To the light of grace and mercy

Moments

Open heart

Although broken into a thousand pieces

Of moments of love

Is shining brightly

Light welcomes

Gentle grief

Love overwhelms

Holding sadness

In this ring of grief

Opening up

Beyond the pain

Spiralling deep within the well

Beyond darkness

There is light shining

Beckoning mystery

Through the trees

It is there

If one stops to stare

The trees when the wind is blowing

In the right direction

Whisper of it

If one cares to listen

Heart open

Heart broken

Stop seeking

Be still

Breathe in

Accept all that is here now

Love and grace

In this moment

All this must be reminders

To stop trying to focus

Accept the blurred view

Hope and mystery

Seeking hope

It circles around this grief

One moment all is calm

In a second the storm

Of distress returns

Sadness quiet

Diminished feelings of the day to day

Stuff gets done

In a motion of control

Or numbness to function

Light floods in today

Spirit of hope is near

Tears for the mystery

Of what cannot ever have

To hold to touch

Broken heart not to be mended

Reminders that this love

Will never be broken

Grace walks one side

Compassion the other

Alone yet accompanied

Seeking hope

In the mystery of this spiral

 

Love everlasting

 

Writing, compelled

To give witness

To all this mother love

The trees are still today

They need not whisper

Truth is clear

Open and honest hearts

Kindness comes near

Close to bring calm

Stop and wonder

Take time to breathe deeply

Sink deep into grief

Until it transforms into love and grace

From where it all began

Can see all there is

Feel all that exists

Love everlasting

Sent with Love

It will be what it will be

Whether you turn your face away

Or embrace me completely

As strong silent witness to my grief

It makes for no more or less love

That you choose to not look at my weeping

Makes no difference

For I am never alone

In this loneliness of grief

All this talk of love

Yet it is found in the actions of strangers

Those closer with quiet wisdom

Spirit of hope and mystery

Not in big gestures

Or indeed now no gestures

Even listening hard for you

Not a word

I keep walking

Arms open and embraced by a grace

So strong

So full of light and love

Quiet reassurance

Sent with love

Reminders of love

I hold everything out

Open handed

Palms heavy

With the weight

Of grief

Tales of Sorrow and sadness

No one wishes to hear

I give away

Knowing they will return

But yet I am not alone

Needing reminding

That there is nowhere to turn

Or indeed in all this turning

This great spiral

I do not walk alone

I fall backwards

I am caught

No matter how heavy the burden that I carry

Tears can fall

Will always fall

Sorrow remains

I am seen

I am heard

Quietly

Gently

This all-consuming love

Broken hearted in grief

Like a myriad of broken mirror pieces

Is lit

Light between the darkness

In the cracks of this time

Moments held in grace

Reminders over again

Of hope and mystery